Self-Worth and Identity in Results
If you’re not enough without it, you will never be enough with it.
Read that again and let it sink in.
I think it is easier to read that sentence and to brush it off by acknowledging its truth and then following it with a but… What follows that but is of vital importance as it usually reveals what someone believes about their self-worth. “ I must perform to like myself. But, I don’t know who I am if I’m not an runner.” The but is the place where the desire to perform well and be successful crosses over into not valuing one’s self unless performing well.
Self-worth defined in its simplest form is what we believe to be true about ourselves and how that translates into our value as a person. When our self-critic is loud is normal to search for something to try to silence it. For athletes, it is easy to attempt to tame our self-critic by allowing our athletic identity to become our self-worth. This often comes by setting goals that we believe if we achieve then we will be happy, like ourselves, feel like enough. It can be a vicious cycle as athletic achievements can not only bring internal feelings of success and accomplishment but can also receive external attention and validation from those around us. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with athletic achievements and the positive feelings and feedback that we can get from them. The problem comes when that validation becomes something we feel as if we need to like ourselves or to be okay. When we attach this much weight to outcomes it makes having a bad race or a disappointing day feel extra hard to manage. We attempt to double down control on all areas of our life and training to prevent bad days which inevitably lead to more bad days, less fun, lower self-worth, and for some quitting the sport they once loved.
Go back to the beginning of this article and read that sentence again. Do you have a but? What does your but say about your value and worth as a person? If it is telling you are not enough without achieving something, first know that is a lie. You are enough today, tomorrow, and forever. Second, begin to write down your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs after workouts and races. Look for patterns in the way that you speak to yourself and the connections you make between performance and your value as a person. Attempt to reframe negative self-talk and focus on developing a spirit of curiosity and self-introspection that embraces the best parts of yourself and nonjudgmentally challenges the parts that need to grow.
Not being able to separate your value as a person from your achievements is the number one reason, I see runners quit sport, and is often the underlying issue beneath a lot of the depression, anxiety, eating issues, addiction, and many other mental health struggles I see in my office. The solution is both simple and complex, we must learn to untangle our self-worth from results and learn that we are wholly loved and valuable without having to do anything to earn it. It means opening our tightly closed fists and letting our goals and dreams be desires we chase but not something we need to force to be okay. Ultimately, we must find a much steadier foundation to build our self-worth on than race results. Wherever you are in your journey, know that your worth and value are secure and there’s not anything you could do or not do that would add to or take anything away from it.
